What to Expect:

This is just a nonsense and full of randomness blog. If you are expecting some deep posts, sadly, you are in the wrong place. Posts will revolve around writing, life, love, anime, boys, and rants. Don't like? F^ck off ;)

Monday, October 12, 2015

Story of a Girl

Girl's POV


I've been in loved before. Or I thought I was.

Then there came this Boy. He was... not perfect. Ang hirap niyang intindihin. Ang hirap niyang pakisamahan. Madalas napapahiya ako kasi hindi niya ako pinapansin. I was trying to be a friend to him. In our group of friends, he seemed so distant. I wanted to reach out to him; to tell him he wasn't alone anymore. It wasn't easy especially when the wall he built around himself was made of steel.

But slowly, he gave me pieces of himself. The steel-wall wasn't crumbling or breaking. No, he was making a hole in it and letting me see a part of him. We became friends. Not really close but we're okay. He was too stiff for me. Too cold. Too serious. And too mature. We're almost the same age but I felt like a little girl standing next to him, talking to him. Hindi siya ngumingiti. Madalas hindi nagsasalita. He was just right there. His blue eyes were like a gem: cold, blank, and empty. Tuwing nagkakatinginan kami, gusto kong maiyak. It was like looking at a statue. Wala siyang emosyon. May ganoon pa lang tao talaga.

Then something happened. I lost someone dear to me. I was a wreck. I could not feel anything. I was slowly dying inside. Sa harapan ng mga kakilala ko, pinapakita kong ayos lang ako. Pero sa loob-loob ko, hindi ko na kaya. It was hard pretending but I could not let them see I am this close to losing myself. The depression I was feeling was overwhelming. I could not see pass through the pain I was feeling. The smiling and always okay girl was not herself anymore. Gabi-gabi umiiyak lang ako ng tahimik. I needed to be strong.

He was my wake up call.

"Acting like everything is okay won't make you hurt less. Putting a bandage to your wound won't let it go away. You are just trying to hide it. Is crying a sign of weakness? My mother cries a lot but she's strong. I think, weakness is when you let those suffocating feelings consume you. Weakness is when you let your depression eats you. Weakness is when you run away from your problem instead of facing it. So what if you cry? So what if it hurts? Running away and turning away from it won't make you strong."

That was the first time he talked to me. Iyon na siguro ang pinakamahabang nasabi niya sa `kin n'ong time na `yon. Nagalit ako sa kanya. Ano'ng alam niya sa pinagdaraanan ko? He doesn't know the pain I was feeling. He doesn't have the right to accuse me of running away.

But I realized he was right. I was running away.

Hindi ko na kilala ang sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng nangyari sa `kin. I let those demons consume me. Hindi na ako `to, eh.

Slowly, I started to get back on my feet. Hindi niya ako tinulungan. Hard? No. He told me I must do it on my own. He told me to face my battle alone. But he never did left me alone. At the sidelines, he was there; watching if I would stumble. There were times I almost did not make it but he was suddenly there, holding my hand and giving me the push I needed to continue.

I made it.

I was me again. Nakakangiti ng totoo. Nasasaktan pa rin pero nakakaya.

Maybe it was the start of our deep friendship. He was my so-called "older brother." Hingahan ko ng sama ng loob. Lalapitan ko kapag kailangan ko ng kausap. O basta gusto ko lang, nandyan siya. Every time I was feeling down, or upset, or even useless, he was there to lift up my spirits. Hindi niya ako hinuhusgahan. Pinakikinggan niya ako saka ako kukutusan kapag maling-mali ako. Tinatama niya ang mga mali ko. Hindi niya ako kinukunsinti. But when I needed it the most, he would offer me his wisdom. When I needed someone, he would always be there. Always.

Slowly, I could see the changes in him. Nag-o-open up na siya sa `kin, sa `ming magbabarkada. Nakakausap na namin siya ng matino. I almost cried when I saw the side of his lips twitched. His almost-smile made me cry buckets of tears. The dullness in his eyes were slowly disappearing. Seeing the light in his blue eyes made my heart ache. His (not-so-empty) blue eyes were probably the prettiest eyes I had ever seen. Seeing him coming out of his shell was making me happy, too. Gusto ko siyang makitang masaya. Gusto ko siyang mapasaya kagaya kung papaano niya akong napasaya.

I didn't know when everything changed.

I fell. Funny, I know. My friends were expecting this, they said. Nahahalata raw nila. I kept on denying it, saying he was just a brother figure to me. But I could not deny the different feelings happening inside me. I tried to hide whatever feelings I have for him. Hindi puwede, eh. We're friends. Hindi ko dapat hayaang masira ang pagkakaibigan namin dahil sa nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Pero ang hirap pala. Ang hirap itago nang damdamin mo lalo na kung gusto nitong kumawala. Pero mas importante ang pagkakaibigan namin kesa sa nararamdaman ko. `Yong kahit kaibigan lang, masaya na ako, basta may lugar pa rin ako sa buhay niya. Ayokong mawala kahit man lamang ang puwang na iyon.

Fast forward. The feelings I have for him grew stronger.

I love him.

You know what's funnier? He told me he love me. I was happy. Iyon na siguro ang pinakamasayang parte ng buhay ko; `yong malamang mahal din ako ng lalaking mahal ko. Pero hindi puwede, eh. Hindi pa ako puwede. Hindi ko kayang sirain `yong trust na binigay sa `kin ng parents ko. So even if I wanted, I told him no. Gustong-gusto ko pero importante sa `kin ang pangako ko sa mga magulang ko. Gusto ko siyang piliin pero my family comes first. You know what he said? He told me he understands. He told me he would wait for me until the time is right. Handa raw siyang maghintay hanggang sa puwede na ang lahat. Akala ko hindi ko na siya kaya pang mahalin ng higit sa nararamdaman ko noon. Pero nang marinig ko `yon, mas lalo ko siyang minahal.

Alam ko hindi ako deserving pero selfish ako. I held into that promise. I held his hand and with him, we waited for the right time.

It didn't came.

He got this opportunity to learn more. Ayaw niya. Hindi niya raw ako kayang iwan. Pinilit ko siya. Itinulak. Binitawan. Para sa kanya `yon, eh. Before I came into his life, he already have that dream. Now, he has a chance to reach that dream. Sino ako para humadlang doon? Even if my whole system was against it, I let him go. Mahirap. Mahirap bumitaw lalo na't ayaw mo naman talaga. But for his sake, I did it. Nag-away kami. Nagtalo. But I remained firm with my decision. It broke my heart seeing him so cold again but it was for him. Iyon ang paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko: Para sa kanya `to.

So many things had happened after that. Hanggang sa hindi na dumating `yong right time para mahalin namin ang isa't isa. Masakit. Tangina. Sobrang sakit. Bakit humantong sa ganito? HOW? What happened? WHAT. THE. FUCK. HAPPENED?

LIFE HAPPENED.

Hahaha.

Haha.

Ha.

Fuck.

Someone told me that right love at the wrong time is not the right love. Siguro nga. Bakit ba ganoon? Noong nandyan, hindi naman puwede. Ngayon puwede na, wala na. Gusto kong magsisi kasi pinakawalan ko siya. Gusto kong murahin ang sarili ko kasi ako `yong bumitaw sa kanya. Tangina, kasalanan ko, eh. But seeing him reaching his dreams? Seeing him being okay there? God. The pain was worth it. Hindi ko magawang magsisi ng tuluyan kasi naging masaya siya sa desisyon ko. Kasi, nang dahil sa pagbitaw ko, malapit na niyang maabot ang pangarap niya.

Selfless? Nah. Nagmamahal lang. Tanga? Yes. But I'm proud of it. Kasi, kahit tanga ako, may napasaya akong isang tao. Siya.

Aaminin ko, hanggang ngayon ay naghihintay pa rin ako na dumating `yong right time para sa pagmamahalan namin. Malabo na ang daan para doon pero hindi ko mapigilang hindi umasa na darating din `yon. I believed in the love we had before all this happened. Naniniwala ako na hindi man ngayon, siguro, sa tamang panahon magiging malinaw din ang daan.

It gets tiring but I know, this waiting will be worth it.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

The [Cereal] Killer

It's been a year since I posted the first chapter of this online story. For me, this story was just a way of releasing stress every time I'm feeling tired of the things surrounding me. Thus, the cliche plot and all. But I enjoyed writing this one. It seemed like I'm relieving my college life--thinking of nothing but studying, passing the exams and boys.

I'm trying to finish this one right now. I'm also in the process of doing some editing (looking for loopholes and grammar errors) and thinking of sending it to PHR (if I'm able to lessen the teen factor because the story was too teen-ish. Or maybe I'll send it to Precious Blooms).

The Cereal Killer had reached 10k views, 600 votes and 200 comments in Wattpad already (and 40 votes and 200 comments in Booklat) and for me who seldom updates, this was a big thing already. I'm really thankful to those who kept on reading the story. And I hope they won't stop even if the updates were too slooooow.

After I'm done with this one (hopefully the first half of this month), I'll start writing The Love Seen which was a spin off of The Cereal Killer. And yes, while I'm writing TCK, I'm also writing something at the side. Oh God. Pray for my heart.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Project: Neverland mini-series

This will be my first ever mini-series. Yes, I had written sequels before but this will be my first titled mini-series.

So, let me tell you something about Project: Neverland.

Why Project: Neverland?

I've always loved Peter Pan. The idea of never growing up, never facing the responsibilities of being independent and an adult... Those were the reasons why I loved Peter Pan. And I also loved the idea of even though you are afraid of growing up, you must face it head on because growing up is the same as being strong. Argh. I don't even know if what I said has sense.

Do you know the bloody story behind Peter Pan? That in reality, the reason why the people that lived in Neverland never grows old was because they are already dead.

In real life, if you don't want to grow old, then go die. Simple as that. You have to grow up in order to live. You have to live in order to grow up.

Then there's Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell, the pixie who has been in love with Peter Pan since birth. Then there's Peter Pan, the forever young boy who fell for the human Wendy.

I've always liked Tinkerbell. She's spunky, annoying, and yet she loves dearly.

And thus, I decided to make a mini-series where a bitter Tinkerbell will wreak havoc just because she was brokenhearted. Her very own Peter Pan was already in love with his Wendy.

My version of Tinker Bell made a blog and decided to pour her thoughts about love in that blog (I'll be making a blog like that, too, when I decided not to be lazy anymore). Her blog garnered many views, comments and members. Many were asking for advice so she decided to make a page where she could give an advice.

Oh! What a very helpful Tink.

Not.

Then enter Captain Hook. He was this guy who kept on annoying Tink. He's the only one who knows the real person behind Tink.

So... who's the real Tinker Bell and Captain Hook?

That's it. Why Project: Neverland? Because in Neverland, nobody grows old.



Here's the list of book heroes:

Book 1: Chance Aldrei Matthews (appeared on When A Genius Falls in Love as Chase's brother)
Book 2: Storm Hontiveros (appeared on The Prince's Trial-and-error Love as Rein's brother)
Book 3: Rance Miguel (appeared on Kiss, Kiss, Fall in Love as Eros' love rival)
Book 4: Trick Sandoval (new character and will appear on the previous PN books)

I hope you guys will wait for them.

If you want to read the Prologue and Chapter One of the first book, just simply click T H I S.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Marionette Shirt

So here are the details about the shirts, how to purchase and how to send your payment. If you have questions, send it to my FACEBOOK account.

Click the images to enlarge


‪#‎DesignA‬ code SSCTC001
- Front and Back design
- Shirt color: Black/White
- Font color: For White shirt- red/black; For Black shirt- White
- Sizes: XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL
- Personalized: Yes! You can place your name on the front design. And you can choose whom TK member [Les, Cloud, Chuck, Reus, Guji, Kei, Chase, Rein, Enzo] you'd like to include on the back design.
- Price: 280php

‪#‎Form‬
--- If you are 1000% sure na bibili and you choose DESIGN A, paki-fill up `tong form and post as a comment below or send it via PM:

Design:
Name/Nickname: (eto `yong lalabas sa front)
TK Member: (`eto `yong lalabas sa back)
Shirt color:
Font color: (if you choose white shirt)
Size:

Full Name:
Address:
Cellphone number:
Mode of Payment: (listed below)
Shipping or meet-up:



‪#‎DesignB‬ code PST002
- Front design only
- Shirt color; White only
- Sizes: XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL
- Personalized: Nope. But you can choose from MA's novel characters whom you'd like to include on the front design.
- Price: 230php

‪#‎Form2‬
--- If you are 1000% sure na bibili and you choose DESIGN B, paki-fill up `tong form and post as a comment below or send it via PM:

Design:
Novel Character: (Male only)
Size:

Full Name:
Address:
Cellphone number:
Mode of Payment: (listed below)
Shipping or meet-up:



‪#‎DesignC‬ code SSSWBB003
- Front design only
- Shirt color: White only
- Sizes: XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL
- Price: 250php

* I recommend this design to all even if you are not my reader as long as you read books :)

‪#‎Form3‬
--- If you are 1000% sure na bibili and you choose DESIGN C, paki-fill up `tong form and post as a comment below or send it via PM:

Design:
Size:

Full Name:
Address:
Cellphone number:
Mode of Payment: (listed below)
Shipping or meet-up:




‪#‎ShippingFee‬
- Manila 50php
- Luzon 80php
- Visayas 85php
- Mindanao 90php

‪#‎MeetUps‬
-SM San Lazaro
-SM North Edsa

‪#‎ModeOfPayment‬
-LBC
-Cebuana
-Western Union

‪#‎DeadlineOfPreorder‬
- FEBRUARY 27

‪#‎DeadlineOfPayment‬
- FEBRUARY 28

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Ookami Shoujo to Kuro Ouji

So okay, I was MIA for a looooong time. Sorry. I forgot I have a blog. Meh. I'll try to be more active but you know, I don't have much things to blog about. Oh, I lied. I have so many things to say; about my personal life, about my writer life, and about my ♥ love so you could say I'm just being lazy.

Anyway, to those who loved watching animes and reading mangas, you might be familiar with this anime/mangaOokami Shoujo to Kuro Ouji ]. I tried reading this at first but got irritated towards the guy so I dropped it. Kyouya, no matter how handsome he was, was a big-ass jerk. While reading the manga, I could not seem to love him because he was so... argh.

Then the anime was released. I admit I like the drawing and the animation but I refused to watch it because I don't like the main guy, Kyouya. But then, I got bored so I decided to try it. And you know what, I still hate Kyouya. But... yes, there was a big but.

Towards the latter episodes, I'm starting to like him. He might be a jerk but he could also be a good jerk. Argh. I still think he was an irritating ass but somehow, he was slowly redeeming himself.

I think I MIGHT continue reading the manga.


I like his eyes though. Shit.

And, I kinda like the ending. It gave me the feels.